Be good-natured towards yourself and find humor in the little strange things you say, think and do. Not in a mocking or self-derisive way, but as a friend would.
They constantly fluctuate and change often causing us to feel like failures because we never cultivated an inner and innate sense of worthiness. Why? Because the thoughts, opinions, beliefs and expectations that we use as yardsticks to measure our success and worth are outside of our control. We need to remember that if we outsource our self-worth and self-esteem, we will always wind up feeling like miserable failures. Most of us equate failures in our lives with us personally being failures. Realize that you are fundamentally worthy. Praise yourself, rather than waiting for others to do it for you.Īs Newman and Berkowitz point out: “when you do something you are proud of, dwell on it a little, praise yourself for it, relish the experience, take it in.” 2.
It’s normal to feel a bit weird, or a bit unsettled or uncomfortable when establishing new thoughts, mindsets and behavioral patterns. The key is to not fight or resist, but to accept. If you do decide to adopt these recommendations you will unconsciously – and maybe even consciously – be at war with yourself. So even though the following list may seem commonsense and straightforward, I assure you it’s not. It’s an awful blow to the ego to feel you’ve made a mistake. Even something so simple as admitting that you’ve made a mistake in the way you’ve treated yourself can be a large mountain to climb. Be aware of this: you must possess courage, determination, will power and persistence in order to break old habits and firmly establish new ones. We cling to what is most comfortable to us, even if that means perpetuating our own self-destructive cycles of misery and pain. That part of you that is quite comfortable in the old ways and has no desire to see things or do things differently can put up quite a fight. A part of you may well be quite indignant at the changes you’re trying to make.
It takes thought and effort to shake free of bad habits. When you decide to take care of yourself, to take charge of yourself, there is still a big job ahead.
As psychologists Mildred Newman and Bernard Berkowitz explain in their book “ How To Be Your Own Best Friend“: Therefore, it’s up to you to labor over and cultivate the strength and depth of connection you have with yourself. The longest relationship you will ever have in the history of your life is with yourself. And as Sol mentioned in his previous article, how can you love another person wholly and truly without first learning how to love yourself? Learning how to become your own best friend is an excellent start. You will continue to unconsciously believe yourself to be terrible, to be unworthy, to be an unlovable person.
Without taking charge of your life and becoming your own best friend, you will continue to feel the pain of rejection, the pain of loneliness, the pain of shame, the pain of self-disgust, and the pain of abandonment.
If you don’t wake up and truly assimilate the importance of becoming your own best friend, you will continue to suffer dreadfully in life. You need to realize that becoming your own best friend is not simply a bunch of fluffy, feel-good self-improvement talk, but an actual life and death matter. If you want to stop wasting your life seeking for something you wanted – and had – all along, you need to wake up. If we fail to put in the painful and strenuous effort of making peace with our hypocritical, deceptive, weak and sickly selves towards the cultivation of self-love and understanding, we will forever be like everyone else in society: running about like headless chickens trying to gain love, acceptance and validation in an endless futile cycle of chaos, confusion, disappointment and perpetual emptiness. Without first learning how to enjoy, appreciate and respect ourselves, we will never truly be able to enjoy, appreciate and respect the other people and things in our lives. Why? You probably already know the answer, but I will restate it nevertheless. Your occupation, retirement, hobbies, dreams, aspirations and socio-economic status will also NEVER make you complete. ~ Mildred Newman & Bernard BerkowitzĮvery great sage, guru and Spiritual Master has pointed to a great, life-shattering truth: other people, including your wife, husband, partner, friends, parents, siblings, daughter, son, grandchild and grandchildren will never make you happy and whole. We can buoy ourselves up, give ourselves comfort and sustenance the times when there is no one else.